Tucker's Birth Story

A week before Tuckerbeans was born, I remember panicking about how I was going to stay sane being at home with 3 boys, all day everyday. With a loveing, yet sassy dramatic 8 year old, an almost 2 year old who probably is the most stubborn boy I've ever met. Not to mention, he will eff your stuff up if you mess with him, and then adding in a newborn. It was already hard, stressful, and energy sucking with 2 boys, and I was about to have another bouncing baby boy. I was about to be outnumbered by the testosterone 4-1.

September 15, 2013 at about 11:45PM , Russell comes home from the gym to find me in our room bouncing on an exercise ball and watching that model show with Tyra Banks. (for the life of me I can't remember the name of it) I was 38 weeks and 3 days and desperate to go into labor. Or is it labour? Color? Colour? I had tried everything, and this was my last attempt. As Russell is looking at me and laughing like I was a serious idiot, I decided to give up after 10 minutes of bouncing and just go to bed.

12 Am on the dot, 15 minutes later, I got my first contraction of the night. Or morning, whatever. I was still awake. Russell came downstairs to hop into bed and I waited until he got all nice and snuggled in to announce I thought I was in labor. Timing is everything..
He looks at me and says NOW? Can I sleep for a few hours first??

After about an hour, I was in some serious labor. (I hate the word labor, every time I hear that word, I think of a dog having puppies..??) I was contracting every 3 minutes and at that point, wanted to pop that stupid effin exercise ball that got me into this mess. Well, Russell got me into this mess, but I couldn't unleash hell on him because I needed a ride to the hospital. 

My mom arrives at our house around 4AM and we are off like a prom dress. Onward to the hospital to *deliver* (feeling like a dog with puppies again) our third, and yes, final child. But first, my darling husband has to stop at Super America to grab an AMP. Yes, I am a selfless person like that. Even though I'm contracting a minute apart, my stuff is ripping apart, and I can barely sit in the seat of the car, I let my husband stop to get an AMP. He probably would have stopped to grab a piece of pie from Perkins if I would have let him, but, times a wastin! Tucker was probably made in the front seat of the car, but I wasn't about to deliver him in the front seat of the car....  ..... ;)

After 2 hours of iv's, catheters getting shoved in places i'd rather not speak of, my stuff getting razored with the cheapest throw away razor known to man, and an idiot anesthesiologist, I finally, finally, got to see my baby boy. Born at 6:07AM, 6.66 lbs, and 20.6 inches long, Tucker Eagan Johnson was born! (I was in labor,labour for 6 hours..odd with the 6's huh?) I got to see his sweet face for about 6 seconds and the nurse took him. I told Russell to follow that baby and do not let them poke, bathe, or even feed baby. DON'T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT I think is what I *barked* as they were leaving. And then I passed out.....

An hour went by of me getting all stitched up and my shit put back to its original place, I was finally in my room with Tucker on the boob. He took to my nipple like a champ! (Unlike my other 2 boys.) We were reunited and yes, it felt good. 

Time seems to stop when you see your child for the first time. The world sits still and nothing else matters but that first connection you make as mother and child. When your child is born, its like you get a little taste of heaven. Pure, full of innocence, and full of life. 

Tucker is by far the hardest baby of the three. The first year was rough, but so rewarding and so worth the sleepless nights, tears, crusty dry nipples, and feedings every hour. I can't even believe it has been a year. Happy Birthday my sweet Tuckerbeans. I shall now kiss you all over your face humming to the tune of club music. He always gets a chuckle from it. I heart you my sweet Ta-Ta Baby-B. 

Warning: Picture overload below :)

Serve me up a vaccination for dessert please! I'll take the cells of an aborted human fetus on the side though..

Oh to go back in time and not vaccinate my older 2 children..

Why would I even SAY a thing like that? Its because of people like me who don't vaccinate (anymore) my children, is why your vaccinated children are getting sick!! Ummmm what? 

 to vaccinate, or not to vaccinate....read for yourself.

I wish with all my heart I would have done my research on vaccinations. I honestly didn't even realize the crap that is in a vaccination shot, let a lone a "set" they give out like candy to a newborn baby. It is absolutely repulsive and inhumane what exactly is put into something that is suppose to "protect" your child from major illnesses. Who does the research though? What new parent, experienced parent even, actually will research the ingredients in a vaccine that doctors preach are completely safe? I didn't. My parents didn't.

Its funny though, many doctors and health care practitioners do not vaccinate their own children. Why? They know vaccines are NOT proven to be safe OR effective. They know vaccines contain dangerous (and disgusting) substances. They know vaccines DO cause serious health problems. They know all this because they have treated patients with serious side effects caused from vaccinations. 

Did you know that only 1-10% of vaccine related injuries are reported? Some diseases/ illnesses caused by vaccines are:

• Allergies and eczema
• Arthritis
• Asthma   
• Autism   
• Acid reflux requiring an infant to take proton pump inhibitors, which have many side effects
• Cancer
• Diabetes (infant and childhood)
• Kidney disease   
• Miscarriages
• Long list of neurological and autoimmune diseases
• Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

Vaccine side effects:

• Arthritis, bleeding disorders, blood clots, heart attacks, sepsis   
• Ear infections  
• Fainting (with reports of broken bones)  
• Kidney failure requiring dialysis
• Seizures/epilepsy
• Severe allergic reactions, such as hives and anaphylaxis
• Sudden death  
• Many common diagnoses given for hospital admissions.
• The National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program, (NVICP) has awarded more than $1.2 billion in damages to children and adults injured by vaccines.  

Autisim IS associated wtih vaccines. Autisim was completely rare until the 1991 "explosion" of the Hep B vaccine and the HiB (menengitis) vaccines. 

Drug companies, insurance companies and the medical system rake in the bucks when you get sick.

Vaccines do not give life‐long immunity, which means booster shots are recommended.  
• Each booster shot increases the risk of more side effects.
• Vaccine side effects can make you sick for the rest of your life. Luckily, there are MANY drugs to treat the side effects caused by vaccines. ( How rather convenient)

If U.S. children receive all doses of all vaccines, they are injected with up to 35 shots that contain 113 different kinds of disease particles, 59 different chemicals, four types of animal cells/DNA, human DNA from aborted fetal tissue and human albumin. ( Like I said, I like my aborted fetal cells on the side..yuck!)

Some Vaccine Ingredients are: (hope you're not eating a cheese burger right now)

• Stray viruses and bacteria from the animal cell cultures that vaccines are made in.
• Mercury, a well‐documented neurotoxin, IS still in the multi‐dose flu vaccines throughout the world. Trace amounts remain in several other vaccines. ( my pediatrician straight up lied to me on this one, SO glad I never went through with this one for my children, asshole)
• Aluminum, a poison that can cause bone, bone marrow and brain degeneration. (Tin foil anyone?)
• Animal cells from monkeys, dog kidneys, chickens, cows, and humans. 
• Formaldehyde (embalming fluid), a known carcinogen. 
• Polysorbate 80, known to cause infertility in female mice and testicular atrophy in male mice.
• Gelatin, from pigs and cows, known to cause anaphylactic reactions, is found in large quantities in the MMR, chickenpox and shingles vaccines.  
• Monosodium glutamate (MSG) in inhaled flu vaccines, is known to cause metabolic disturbances (e.g.diabetes), seizures and other neurologic disorders.

Doctors DO make money off of vaccinations...(again, my doctor is an asshole..)

• The same people who make rules and recommendations about vaccination profit from vaccine sales.  For example, Dr. Julie Gerberding, who was in charge of the CDC for eight years, is now the President of Merck Vaccines.  Dr. Paul Offit, a member of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practice(ACIP), developed and patented his own vaccine.
• According to the CDC, the average U.S. 10‐doctor pediatric group has over $100,000 of vaccine inventory in their office to sell. These doctors make money from office visits and from giving your children vaccines, and also from follow up office visits for assessing reactions.
• U.S. pediatricians reportedly make quarterly bonuses from the HMOs they work for by maintaining high vaccination rates in their practices and have reportedly been reprimanded by insurance companies if their vaccination rates fall.

Are we full from our vaccine desserts yet? 

The Cal‐Oregon project sponsored by Generation Rescue surveyed parents of vaccinated vs. unvaccinated U.S.children. Of the 17,674 children included in the survey, the results showed:  
• Vaccinated children had 120% more asthma. (Gavyn) (allergies as well!)
• Vaccinated boys had 317% more ADHD. (Peyton)
• Vaccinated boys had 185% more neurologic disorders. (Peyton)
• Vaccinated boys had 146% more autism. 

• Vaccine-Injury risk age 0-4 if vaccinated per current CDC schedule: 1 in 13
• Disease risk age 0-4 in USA if not vaccinated: 1 in 483,000

I always hear, "You have to get your kids vaccinated! That's how these diseases are passed!" Well....if you trust your damn vaccinations so much then your children should be fine! Shouldn't they?!?

And to end with....

Did you know that: my favorite part

• 7 vaccines (polio, hepatitis A, varicella, pertussis, diphtheria, tetanus, and haemophilus influenzae b) have NOT been "evaluated or tested for their carcinogenic potential, mutagenic potential, or for impairment of fertility" or "reproductive capacity" according the vaccine manufacturers' own product inserts.

• 3 vaccines (varicella, hepatitis A, and rubella) were cultured in human diploid cells (eg. human embryonic lung cell cultures and human diploid cell cultures WI-38 and MRC-5 which are aborted fetuses). The Chickenpox vaccine contains "residual components of MRC-5 cells including DNA and protein."

• 6 vaccines (polio, hepatitis B, hepatitis A, pertussis, diphtheria, and tetanus) contain formaldehyde - a highly noxious and carcinogenic preservative.

• 5 vaccines (hepatitis B, pertussis, diphtheria, tetanus, and haemophilus influenzae b) contain thimerosal, a mercury derivative preservative BANNED by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in over-the-counter (OTC) drug preparations because of questions over safety.

• 5 vaccines (hepatitis B, hepatitis A, pertussis, diphtheria, and tetanus) contain aluminum as an adjuvant. Aluminum accumulates in brain, muscle and bone tissue and can be linked to causing fibrosarcomas (cancerous tumors) at the injection site.

• 5 vaccines (measles, mumps, polio, varicella, and diphtheria) are developed from animal ingredients including cell cultures of chick embryos, monkey kidney cells, fetal bovine serum, and embryonic guinea pig cell cultures. There has been a suspension in this country on animal organ transplants in humans because of concerns of people contracting existing animal viruses. Despite the history of unscreened animal viruses infecting humans from injectable products like vaccines [monkey cells and SV40 virus and bovine serum and "Mad Cow Disease" (bovine spongiform encephalopathy)], this practice continues with vaccines.

• 5 vaccines (measles, mumps, rubella, polio, and varicella) are LIVE virus vaccines. Live virus vaccines can sometimes infect the patient and can even sometimes infect those in close contact with the patient. These vaccines are given to young children, and vaccine immunity sometimes wears off for adults. This can put a pregnant mother or immunocompromised adult at risk by being around a recently vaccinated child with live virus vaccines.

• For ALL 11 vaccines there have been NO long term studies on the increasing effect on the child's developing immune system of combining all these vaccines together.

• For ALL 11 vaccines the biological mechanism for why some children react to a vaccine is not understood.

• For ALL 11 vaccines there are no genetic or other lab screening tests available to determine which children will react to a vaccine.

Babies are born with powerful, natural defenses.  If this were not so, all would die shortly after birth. Large amounts of complex immune processes start with the first cry. This needs to occur naturally, without the interruption caused by the injections of toxic substances. aka...vaccinations.

To sum everything up, not-vaccinated children are all around healthier than vaccinated children. Yet, not-vaccinated children are the ones spreading the diseases?? hmmmm....

Not-vaccinated Wiener Wishes to you,

The "crunchy" mom

sources: http://www.naturalnews.com/SpecialReports/VaccinesFullStory/v1/VaccineReport-EN.pdf

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10A7cl0pmJ-fq58ZCTgT2ZRqs7snyo-kjhQgVGkVkS2I/edit

http://www.vaccineriskawareness.com/Your-Immune-System-How-It-Works-And-How-Vaccines-Damage-It

I homeschool because...

"If you train your children carefully until they are seven years old, they are already three-quarters educated."~unknown

“There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all.” ~ John Holt

**This is all my own opinion. My strong, strong strong, own opinion. ;) I do not look down upon anyone who chooses to homeschool differently than us, or who choose to public school.**

With that said....ONWARD! 

To homeschool your child is a choice. To put your child in public school is also a choice. Neither one is the right way, or the wrong way. The right way is to do whatever works for your family best. The right way is to put your child where they will blossom and grow to their fullest potential. God gave you your children for you and only you to raise. He gave you your children because he knows you will make the best decision possible for your child. As a mother, I have watched my children grow from the tiniest little humans, to fun, adventurous, smart individuals who love the world around them. I have watched them take their first steps, read their first word, and I have watched my oldest smile with tears because he had finally aced his multiplication test that he worked so hard for. Watching my children hit milestones and learn something they never knew they could learn, is honestly one of the best gifts a mother could ever receive. Now on to the opinionated junk.I get asked all the time why I homeschool. I also receive unwanted "advice" on why I should put my children in public school. Children need structure they say..Children need to socialize with other children..Children need to learn what other children are learning so they don't get "behind"...I think your child will be much happier if he was in a public school setting..or my ultimate fave, but you're not even a teacher!!....*scoff*What is structure? What are you referring to when you say, my child needs structure? There are many forms of "structure". Physical, chemical, biological and social are a few. So what does it even mean that "children need structure?" I'll go out on a limb and assume you are talking about social structure. My other all time debate favorite. My assumption will also cover the "children need to socialize with other children" advice.   *Dear God, here we go..* .....That's what you're thinking isn't it? :)Again, my opinions.Children do not get the socialization in a public school like people think they do. How is sitting at a desk for 6-8 hours with your heads down and no talking allowed a good form of socialization? Okay, so they get to talk to their friends at recess for 10 mins and maybe in Phy-Ed class. They might get to quick spout out "Hey Frankie guess what! My dog got her hairs cut this weekend and my cousin pooped on the sidewalk and it clung to his butt as he was trying to shake it loose!" before the teacher yells at them to be quiet..NO TALKING!! (oh, and that really did happen this weekend, sweet example huh?) Lunchrooms have become a no talk zone even. Socialization doesn't just have to be talking to children your own age. We go out into the public ( gasp!) almost every day if not every evening and my children socialize not only with other children, but also with adults. I have plenty of neighbor kids who like to play at the house with Peyton and seriously, not one of them can look me in the eyes when I talk to them. Or, they just flat out avoid me all together. (do I smell?) hmmm..that's awesome socialization skills they obviously do not have. It's not their fault, they are told to shut up everyday in class.So don't tell me my child needs to attend a public school so he can socialize. Remember, NO TALKING IN CLASS!! EVER!!!"Your children need to go to public school so they don't get behind the other kids." Ok, either you are telling me i'm stupid and I can't teach my child to "wead" or, you simply don't pay attention on how many kids are actually behind in a public school. I believe this has nothing to do with the child's intelligence. I truly believe it is because of the lack of one on one with each student. No child learns the same. Teaching as a whole is not going to work for every single child. Each child has different strengths and weaknesses in learning different subjects. One might be an A+ student in math, and a D student (me) in history. Or an A+ student in English (not me, can you tell?), and failing math because they were never given the one on one or the time, to learn basic math concepts. Or the one on one to learn how to read. Peyton was reading at a first grade level maybe, in second grade when I pulled him to homeschool. He now reads at a 6th grade level in 4th grade. Peyton was doing Algerbra in the beginning of 3rd grade homeschool, when in the middle of 2nd grade at public, he could barely add 6+7. Don't tell me my child needs to go to public school so he won't get behind the other children in school. Don't tell me I need a teaching degree to teach my child. And seriously, do not tell me my child will be happier in a public school setting when he would come home crying every day after school because he had to miss recess again because he didn't understand his math work for the day. Or he would come home crying because he was so hungry and thirsty. Or because some kids were picking on him when he was trying to go to the bathroom. Or when the teacher singled him out for not being able to read at the "appropriate" grade level. Don't tell me my child isn't happy at home when he gets to sleep just a little bit longer, gets a full breakfast, gets to play with his brothers and form relationships with them that will last forever, gets to play outside and not be stuck in a brick and mortar for 8 hours a day, gets to go on spontaneous field trips, gets to learn how to socialize with people of all ages, gets to paint, color, get dirty, poop in peace, and mostly, learn to love learning..He hated school in public school. It was a chore, and it sucked the life out of him. Not to mention the hours of homework after he just got home from 8 hours of "learning." Now, I get to spend every waking freakin moment with that kid...and from the bottom of my heart, I wouldn't have it any other way. People get excited when its back to school time. Hell yes! I get the day to myself again!! Well me, I get excited to see my child learn. To see them grow, and to see that light bulb switch on (eureka!) when he has finally figured out how to solve for "x" or learn that learning can be fun. I homeschool because it is right for my family. I homeschool because the public school system as a whole sucks. (gasp AND scoff!) I homeschool because I can and because they are my children. Don't tell me what to do damnit!! ;)

*I do with them what I want! Son!*


Wiener Wishes,The crazy homeschool mom who probably has horrible grammar..and spelling..you should have seen all the spell check I did!! (psst! I went to public school!) ;) ;)

My WW's vs. Civilization

Here I am, gracefully gliding through Walmart grocery shopping, I have a smile on my face as my WW's are preciously singing gospel hymns through the isles. My cart is neatly organized with healthy fruits and vegetables that my WW's eagerly picked out. Goober and Monkey are holding hands like the loving brothers that they are, and Tuckerbeans is quietly napping....

Seriously..I need to stop daydreaming! Why must I tease myself like that? Maybe its therapeutic. Maybe its my brain trying to preserve the little chunks of sanity I have remaining. Who knows.

Taking my children in public is about the same process as springing Godzilla loose in the city. Equal amounts of screaming, terror, and destruction.

I don't know what makes my 9 year old think its funny to hide on the shelves, or in between the paper towel boxes. He likes to jump out and scare me and then get mad when I yell at him to stop hiding in the toilet paper. Then I am the bad mom because I never let him have any fun. Goober has a bad habit of hiding in shelves and clothing racks, another popular choice for scaring mom. My brother and I went to Kohls once and Goober was playing "army". He was hiding in and out of the clothing racks shooting at us with his finger gun as we would walk by. Goober being Goober noticed a Kohls employee organizing a rack and thought it would be funny to scare her as well. Just as she is hanging clothes up, he jumps out at her and starts shooting at her with his finger gun and making machine gun noises at her. I don't know if she was more traumatized by a little boy jumping out at her, or me telling Goober, "WE SPARE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!" If you can't beat em'..join em'.
Another lovely time grocery shopping, Goober thought it would be funny to fart in the juice isle and then run out telling me that a lady is going to walk through his fart. Nice, Goob. Well planned. Why didn't I think of that??
Another one of my favs, Goober announcing at the top of his lungs "GOTTA POOP!!" and then making a mad dash to the can. Really?? It never failed. Every damn trip to Walmart, Goober has to poop.
He hasn't changed with age either.

Bringing Monkey into civilization comes with a whole new set of "set backs." Goober at least stays by the cart, for the most part. Monkey Butters on the other hand....its like leashing a wild boar into the jungle for the first time in its life. The gates of Walmart open and all Monkey Butt can think (I can read minds) is, "I'M FREE!! I'M F**KIN FREE B**CHES!! CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!!" and hes gone. Out of sight. I'm so thankful for Goober at times like these because he can chase after Monkey and drag him back for me. Monkey can dart in and out of the isles faster than a Cheetah chasing down a Gazelle.  (Whats with all my animal references?) The end result is probably the same. A lot of kicking and screaming, and sometimes even some blood shed from falling, or running into a lady in a wheel chair.
Maybe that's why Goober always has to poop in the store? Goob uses it as an excuse to get away from having to lasso his brother every 5 seconds? Hrmph. I wonder.

Tuckerbeans is my little introvert. He's not a fan of strangers. He's also not really a fan of Walmart.(I don't blame him, I hate Walmart too) He recently has been transitioned to not having an infant car seat so now he sits in the top part of the cart when we shop. It never fails. Every time I get him situated in the cart and buckled in, he spits up EVERYWHERE! So now, I've been in Walmart for about 3.4958672 seconds, I'm wiping spit up off the walls of Walmart, I have a toddler on the loose, and a 9 year old yelling he has to take a dump. AWESOME!
Now before I can even think about what I need to buy, I have to first straight jacket and chain my children to the cart.
Annnndddd we're finally shopping.

Why is it that people feel the need to get right up in a baby's face to goo-goo and ga-ga at them?? Ohhhh and now my child is screaming bloody murder because he doesn't know you and you just basically licked his face from getting too close. Thank you for that, cuz NOW, I have a screaming baby, and my toddler just saw an opportunity and took off again....(and everyone wonders why I can't quit smoking)

Yesterday I was at my Great Grandma's funeral, (love ya Great Grandma O.) and i'm looking around before the service at all the moms who brought their little folk. I cant help but be curious as to HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET YOUR KIDS TO BE NORMAL LITTLE PEOPLE???? ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!
I got asked numerous times, "where are you boys?" WELL! Now you know!! :) :)

Don't even get me started on restaurant outings....

Wiener Wishes,
Carly

Really, Another Mommy Blogger? About the 3 Wiener Warriors As Well.

Alas! I have joined the clucking club of mommy blogging. I totally get why moms around the world blog and bitch, I mean complain about their kids. If it wasn't for being able to blog about our kids, there would be a lot more wine-o mommies in this world. I've tried that route, but the wine gave me heartburn and gas. It happens.

First, let me say, I'm a good mom, and I love my little wieners with all my heart. I really do! What I joke about sometimes on this blog does not reflect how much they fill my heart. I use clean language with them, I swear. So gasp and scoff at me if you must, but my boys are my life. Plus I think if I was screwing up as a mom, and needed a reality check, God would "bless" me with another wiener warrior and then laugh as I'm scrubbing even more poops and pees off the toilet and shower curtain. So far So good! :)

Let me introduce the wonderful wiener warriors in my life.

Peyton, aka Goober, is our oldest and our biiigg fricken "oops" child. High school relationships are hazardous. Side note: did you know 75% of all backrubs lead to "slappin skins?" (as my husband calls it) Momma never taught me that! So how was I to know? Instead of shouting, "YOU KNOW MY RULES CARLY ANN!" at us, she should have been yelling backrub statistics at us. THAT, I would have listened to!! ;)

Anyways, back to my oops child.

Goober was such an easy baby. He slept 14 hours a night and hardly ever cried. I lived with my parents at the time so this made it super easy to sneak into the garage and have a few drinks with friends. (Don't judge, I was 19!) Plus I had a baby monitor with me so that made it okay. (??) As a toddler, he was so easy going. So funny, so lovable. Except in restaurants. He could clear a table of freshly ordered food off in 2.1987564 seconds. That shit wasn't lovable. That shit made me regret that one backrub. Besides that, he was a great baby and toddler. My husband and I were convinced we were super awesome possums at parenting.
Now at 9 yrs old, he still sleeps like an old man, and just as lovable as one, but holy good moley that kid is dramatic! I don't know if it's an age thing, or if he just takes after his father ( ha! ), but this kid has a roller coaster ride of emotions. It has gotten to the point of me just crossing my eyes and shaking my head at him because he won't either a) stop being dramatic over his brother taking a Lego, or b) he won't except the words NO DAMNIT! ugh, and the attitude about everything...just now he yelled at me because I wouldn't shut the microwave door for him..even though he does EVERYTHING for me. (I blame the formula he drank as a baby) Dramatic? Yes. Did I laugh? Yes.
Even though Goober is oh so dramatic with attitude, I wouldn't trade him for the world. Would I trade in the drama for a new pair of sneakers? Hell no, I hate sneakers. But flip flops yes! :)

Crap this post is going to get long having 3 boys to talk about...Onward wiener readers!!

So life is great, Goober is growing like a champ, and 6 1/2 years later Gavyn, aka Monkey Butt or Monkey Monk,  is born! Monkey shot into this world six weeks early and surprisingly, at a whopping 5.2 lbs. A week before he was born, I was in early labor and they measured him at 4.4 lbs. The growth spurt could have been from the roids they pumped me full of a week earlier that made him grow so well. I really don't know. What I do know is I'm pretty sure he wasn't kicking in the womb, but pounding on my uterine wall to get him the hell out, its hot in here, and i'm tired of drinking my own pees. There was no keeping that child locked inside. The doctors were convinced as I was shootin him out, that he was going to need breathing tubes and be brought down to Children's for monitoring and specialized NICU care. Not Gavyn thankfully! (Dear God he's currently licking yogurt off the floor and rubbing his tummy saying "mmmm") I call Monkey my miracle child. I wasn't even suppose to get pregnant because of thyroid issues making me "infertile", and him being born early.  He is a pure blessing from God. The little wiener was a fighter when he was born, and still is! He just has more tantrums now and eats leftovers that the dogs don't find off the floor. He loves to irritate his bra bra (brother Peyton). I have never before seen a 2 year old head lock an 8 year old and bring him to the ground. I'm going to blame that on the roids too. Gavyn is going to do what Gavyn wants and Lord help the sucker who stands in his way.
Even though Monkey Monk is a feisty little turd whip, he CAN BE very sweet. His little arms squeezing you good-night, or the kisses he gives but then spits yours out, is seriously why I haven't made a cage for him yet. (wait what?) It's the little things that make all the tantrums, food throwing, toy whipping, pinching brother with his wolverine like claws, all worth being his mommy. :)

The End!
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Just kidding! I have a third wiener. * I really don't have 3 wieners FYI, just 3 boys*

Tucker, aka Tuckerbeans, is our last and final wiener to this wonderful story. (ya getting sick of the word wiener yet? Cuz I am! So from now on its WW for wiener warrior, obviously)
Tuckerbeans has been my most difficult baby by far. There were nights when I think my hubs would have rather slept outside with the dogs than have to be in the room with a fussy non sleeping baby, and a wife yelling, "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! I CAN'T BE A MOMMY ANYMORE!! ROOOAARRR!!!!!!" or something like that. Its a little fuzzy...(wonder where Peyton gets his drama-ness from?) *wink wink*
I remember one time my hubs jumping out of bed like a bomb just exploded by his bedside cuz I yelled at him to get his sweet rested ass up and help me! The look on his face was priceless..and worth that night of no sleep. Good times!!
Tucker is a wonderfully, rollie pollie, little fella who is 36 1/2 weeks old already. (do the math) He's already busted out of his 12 month clothing and is fitting into 18 month clothes. The kid likes a full belly what can I say! You definitely know when he is hungry. He will ball his fists up and grunt like the Hulk when he wants more food! (will someone get this kid a Happy Meal already??)
Ta Ta-B (Gavyn language for Tuckerbeans) started crawling a little over a month ago, and is pulling himself up on everything. He also thinks his britches are bigger than they actually are and tries walking, but that shit ends kind of bad for him. I love this child. He is the baby of the dam fam, and yes, he is our last!
No more infants screaming in to the wee hours of the night, no more sore nipples from feeding the little scavengers, and no more screaming my hubs out of a deep slumber. (yeah.. that's probably not going to end..that is pure entertainment! It's paybacks for all the times he elbows me in my head when he sleeps!)

So there you have it! The 3 WW's of my life! People keep telling me to try for a girl. If you want a girl so bad..you have one!! This uterus has closed up shop and I threw that damn key so far into the woods ain't nobody gonna find it!

Wiener wishes to you, and you all might want to think twice before receiving a backrub,

Carly